i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
