so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
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