when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
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