She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
