shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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