Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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