Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
