guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Randomize
