i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
