I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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