garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
You don't make any sense
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