Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Randomize
