He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
