My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When did angry sex become our thing?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
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