Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
