I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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