I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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