rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
