Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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