i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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