I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
