i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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