new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
