Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
