My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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