he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
