Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
