I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
