I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
