Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
