I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
