Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
