at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
