I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
