i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
