I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My balls are so social today.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
