fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
