PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
