Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
