just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
