You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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