I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
She's the barista slut.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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