How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Randomize
