I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
