Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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