you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
