It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
