That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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