I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
