My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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